I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
