so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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