I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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