I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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