I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize