My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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