My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
