PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
