I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
