My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
