just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
