Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
