Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
