Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dignity is for republicans.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
