wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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