I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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