Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
