you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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