when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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