Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
