her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
