This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You are the jesus of drinking
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
