wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
