I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
