And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
