I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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