they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Are these your boobs on my camera?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
