i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
