you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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