it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
