people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I bet he comes in French.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
