can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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