Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
