i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
