Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
