giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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