What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
