I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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