i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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