Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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