you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
