I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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