my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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