i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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