I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
