why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
