Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
