She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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