In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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