don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
