Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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