pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
