Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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