he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize