Are we in a gay sports bar?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
