My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
