I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
