Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
