I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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