party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
