dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
