I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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