Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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