So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
