I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
