Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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