Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
