I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
