I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
