so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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