Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
