Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
