if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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