If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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