Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Holy shit dude........stairs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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