I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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