i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
