another moral hangover. fuck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
