you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
