just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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