I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
