Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Houston, we have a blender
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
