i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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