i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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