is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
