I molested 6 butterflies tonight
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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