i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize