If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
