idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
