But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
