did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize