just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
