I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
