Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
