If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
