do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
