That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's get the cat blown out
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
